Est-Rang-ed.

im not really interested
in talking
about it
i feel
like that book
with grover
like there is a monster at the end of this
and i don't feel
like crying
right
now

ive been
compartmentalizing
well enough
to get through
days
long
and dark

im just letting
infant jesus
take the
reigns
to this sled
grandma
is running over
rain
dear
games

over the river and through the woods
as i am
dragged behind
like a southern hate crime victim
slamming my head
sonny bono style
on every fucking trunk

observe
as i go vietnam Buddhist
calmly accepting
the burning
the savagery
the pain

happy 2nd birthday Stella.
Star in my sky.
i wish upon you.
even though i can't see you...

for whatever-

backwards ass,
selfish,
self serving,
heart wrenching,
soul squashing,
easy way out,
avoiding confrontation,
exaggerated,
slanderous,
certified insane,
BULLSHIT,
(not to mention
anti christ)
no mass

pour favor

ive
got nothing
but sorrow
and im exhausted

God help me
I miss my baby

-reason they tell themselves.
Fuck you. and God bless you
Mothers,
you fuckers

axed

you owe me

a tree

and some 

memories 

un-man-i

-fested

advent

-u-r-

e

neglected

intro

-vert

el-

e

-lect-

ed 

in 

-stead in-

vert

-a-

b-rate 

pain

in my

correct it

you

dont pass go

questioning my reasoning
being where i is
music in me
background
i am
under
amused

shouldn't i
be moved
more
hell
if i
dont
or do
ya know?

spending
money
time
and
space

but this
guy has
a sense
of humor
"romantic"
great prompt

room full
out on
the broadway
mono
poly
fingers
pockets

care ole

little
do you know son
how you keep me alive
its a bittersweet
this tragedy
for you i will
survive
i live off these
imperfect moments
these failed attempts
to fly
i bare my soul
in honesty
with actuality
tears within
my eyes

shadow of
my former self
trying to escape
the time is fleeting
moments passing
nothing seems to
help me
make up
four these
not mistakes

im drowning in
sorrowing
defeat in this
constant
sense of
shame
ghost
of christmas
past
is haunted
more of
just the
same

i believe
in you
as for me?
myself and i
are
feared to be
finished

selfish self
lost it all
half
the man
i used
to be
im bad
for my own
health
ill admit
living in my
stupidity

has to...
just has to...
last until
get me through
the winter cold
she lifts
nearing im a
point of no
returning
remembering
well
wherefore ive
acquired all my
God given gifts

last