damn aged

lacking the resolution
no healing going on here
no place but up to go
because any farther down
into this mess ive made of myself
and ill slit my throat

bound to lose
my mind
as if there is anything left
to salvage

my former glory
haunts me
memory museum
i banned myself from

i cant even let myself feel
its all very overwhelming

so much shame
so far away from
the me i was proud to be

she left me
and that hurt
but ive entered a phase
where i dont believe
that ill ever love myself
again

ive given up
i can tell
in the way
im lost to myself
dont know who i really am
and it takes me
too much energy
just to get out
of my room

more than that
im still mourning
and she isnt ever going to look back

i thought i had overcome
the worst
that i was getting over her
moving on
but i was wrong
and it's apparent
im a fraction
a remnant
a shadow

each passing day
i exist in this fog
where im dull
disconnected
gray and overcast

fucking fading
and i hate this
because
healing isnt happening
im a product
of painful past mistakes

putting things back
together
ain't so easy
for me

im scared
and alone
wishing you
still felt things
but you dont

and im daily
getting crazy
barely holding on
losing faith
losing hope basically